http://sonnetoptics.net/bus-driver-blog/2010/7/22/mea-culpa.html
Ok so I have received lots of emails and twitters and yes, I would agree I stepped over the line.
GUILTY!
First time I would say I pushed the envelope and perhaps maybe pushed beyond the envelope
For this I’m on suspension from TriMet. I’m not upset about this, they have a job to do. Really I’m not mad at all.
Most of the twitters and emails I have received may knock how I said what I said, but almost all even cyclist are understanding.
So lets get down to facts.
- I would have to be the worlds greatest idiot to actually intend to kill someone and post it on a blog. Now maybe my first wife would.. no I don’t even think she would call me an idiot. Stupid maybe but not an idiot. Come on!
- I don’t think real death threats come with the mentioning of Star Wars and David Lynch films... Not the Dune movie I sort of like that one. As anyone heard of that? or maybe I’m the first stand up comedian idiot bus ninja driver assassin... Really no way I could be a ninja, weigh way way too much for that.
- Those of you who’ve read my blog will see that I seldom say inflammatory things.. other then a headline or two. That when I have had dangerous situations before I use humor and don’t blame all bicyclist the same way I would not blame all car drivers for one crazy guy or all bus drivers for one crazy guy. That’s not my way.
- You and I know you don’t own peoples lives just because you save there lives and you can’t exercise an option on their life like a stock certificate. Hmm Well lets see I pulled you out of a well so now you’re my slave! or I’ll kill yo! does anyone really believe that? If I had it it to do over I would have done that last bit angled more towards humor but I was called into work 5 hours early so I had to rush off. That is why it ends so abruptly without my usual humorous flourish.
- Now my one complaint by email has been someone saying that I did this all for ratings and you know what.. I knew this was going to get some reaction, but nothing like it did. Like I said I can be stupid (A momentary lack of reason) vs and idiot (A full time lack of reason.) I think if you would look back over the last years of my blog you would see 1. Lots of bad spelling can’t really help it. 2. Lots of love. Yes love. Love for the people of my city all people if I agree with them, if they are like me or not.
So with those points above tucked into your logic utility belt, riddle me this!
Why would I write what I did?
If I did not mean to kill him and it was not all a publicity stunt and lets face it really wanted publicity all I have do is show up nude and painted blue to a blazer game and I could have gotten all the publicity I needed and not been suspended from work. Well if you have seen me maybe my nude and painted blue maybe some would consider that a death threat.
Before I reveal the answer to that riddle “Why would Dan Write what he wrote” and by the way it’s not “A ring” for you Tolkien fans. Let me tell you what I would do if I met this guy right now. I would have lots of mixed emotions but I would hug him harder then he has ever been hugged. I would tip my top hat and show him the photo of my daughter and granddaughter inside my hat.
I would tell him “You are as precious to someone, as my girls are to me. I want you to live a full, healthy, heroic life worthy of song and praise. just like my daughter and Granddaughter. I never want to see harm come to you. Riding a bike, just like driving a bus is a life or death proposition, you have got to respect that not for others, but because you are a precious son of someone, you are to them, as my Daughter and Granddaughter is to me. I would never willingly harm you but brother it’s so unfair for you to use me to harm you. If I had been one moment slower on the breaks, I would have never been able to drive a bus again. I could not have lived with myself. Even if you care for no one else on the road care for your self, Care for those who love you and hold you precious.”
Will this change how I drive my bus? I got news for you, it’s didn’t. The incident in question happened a while ago to be sure. I still do all I can cyclist. I’m a driver who hops out of my seat to show you how to use the bike rack, The one who double checks his right side to make sure you are clear day or night, lights or no. I drive my bus like that person in the car next to me, or that cyclist ahead of me is my daughter or Granddaughter. What more can I do.
I can’t be careless with someones life. I get mad and frustrated but my anger and frustration was not for what you did at that moment but that you are still out there. That you have no idea what you are doing to others.
I felt like you came up to me pulled a round out of six shout revolved. Spun the chamber and then forced me to put the gun to your head and pull the trigger. I was horrified then you continued on doing it to others.
Brother that is a horrible feeling. It is not rage but horror when I think of you, Rage fades rage would not have lasted a month and a half. I get mad like anyone, come on we all live in the same world and we all get mad, but few things give me that horrifying feeling like you did that day.
The above words as heartfelt as they are would have barely made a blip in Portland if I would have put them in a blog.
So lets answer part of that riddle.
What I wanted to do was shake the pillars of this city. I wanted someone to read my blog and say, like most people are saying. “What could make this beloved, funny, caring bus driver say what he said. I know this cyclist, I’m going to talk to him.” See I don’t know you, I don’t know your name, where you’re from or anything about you. But I did know this, I could not rest until word got to you, word of how careless and dangerous you are and how precious you are.
You see my nightmare starts like this. I wake up one day and I see your picture on the cover of the paper. Cyclist killed, reads the headline. Your dead and I did nothing. Like all those people I listed in my blog, family, friends, other drivers, cyclist. Anyone who has looked away, turned the other cheek, chalked it up under derogatory generalization like “Stupid Cyclist” anyone who didn’t do all they could to wake you up. Those who would defend you as a fellow cyclist, those that would condemn you because you are a cyclist, all these people in my book would have killed you as I said POrtland Killed this cyclist and it would be true. You want to know something else, there would be my name at the top of the list. “Dan Christensen”
Under it it would say
Dan could have done something, but instead he wrote another humorous blog post for the same small group of readers that had no effect, went no place.
When I said “Portland Kill this Cyclist” What I really wanted is someone in Portland reach this guy! Let him know. Help him! do what ever you can! As a bus Driver I see all sorts of people who have no choice in life, They have physical or mental limitations have made bad choices until their life is tied in knots. You have options, You have choice, Like I said you are as precious as my granddaughter and daughter and I don’t want to see you throw that way so you can get to the coffees shop a few seconds faster.
In my book, me doing nothing, that is a crime.
You see I may not always say the right thing, I may not always say what people want to hear and I make mistakes and can be as stupid as anyone.
I do always strive to say the truth as I know it. I don’t want to live a life of regret saying I should have said more or done more.
I can only hope with the exposure this gets somehow, someone gets to you.
So this brings me to the end of follow up.
For all of you who have expressed your support, even those of your who may not agree with my method, I say a deep and heartfelt thank you. Trimet or no, Portland is number one in my heart and I have nothing but love for all of you.
So much for keeping this under one page.
Tons of love.
Roll Easy.
I will let you know more when I know more and that looks like sometime on Monday.
I will keep you posted.
Oh and for you all who asked how I stay so upbeat and happy even though it looks like the world is crashing in around me. Check this out.
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